The release you feel from saying that only screws you long term. Sure, you feel good in this moment but in an hour or two you’ll feel worse.
Mind blown.
I have been in therapy since August — I have also been in therapy years prior to much success. To have an unbiased third-party weigh in on issues in your life is quite simply game changing. People who voluntarily go to therapy have one thing in common — they want to try to be a better person, they want a better life and often times are okay admitting they can be wrong.
I saw a meme the other day that read ‘Fuck nudes, send me an invoice from your therapist so I know you’re working on yourself’. Plus 20 if you’ve been to therapy IMHO.
I have this thing about me, it’s sort of my Achilles heel but also some kind of a defense mechanism. I can say the one thing that will make you mad as hell, the thing no one would should say — the ‘oh shit, he went there,' (and I go there more often then I would like to admit).
I realized a few weeks ago, after doing just that, I feel a sort of release and satisfaction when I say it. And a few hours later I feel petty, mean and immature. Embarrassed. Worse than before.
I was in a situation at work a years ago where someone on my work-team told their marketing partner to go fuck themselves in the middle of a meeting. The argument wasn’t wrong and her point was actually best for the business — however — I remember pointing out that they could’ve been 100% in the right had they not told this person to literally fuck off in front of a room full of people creating a whole HR nightmare for me to deal with.
I never thought to take my own advice.
Just don’t think about it, think about something else (wisdom from my old boss — wisdom that is easier said then done). When something upsets me, I let it eat away at me. And then I want to be mean, I want to get even with you for making me feel this way, whether I am justified or wrong. And that in itself is a behavior I learned from my father, something I try to work on nearly every day.
Have you ever read something the wrong way and then overreacted?
I started keeping a journal back in August after reading through the journal I kept the last time my life semi-collapsed back in 2007. A private place I could write the things that maybe shouldn’t be super public (side-note, it has also helped me re-learn penmanship…what a crazy world we live in, I am literally illegible the first twenty pages of my new journal). And in my quest to be a better person, I have been trying to conquer a few things, one of which is drinking too often.
One morning (after a night of 100% sobriety) I wrote a letter to myself about how amazing I felt. And I would re-read it between 6–9 (the hours I always want a glass of something) and now, BAM! I am 100% sober nearly four-to-five nights a week. Okay four, but still. And without much effort, I actually enjoy my quiet sober nights tapping away at this blog, watching Succession or catching up on chores to make tomorrow a bit lighter.
I did the same thing with this bad habit of mine. Each time something happens where I feel hurt, I remember what I wrote in my journal.
The release you feel from saying that only screws you long term. Sure, you feel good in this moment but in an hour or two you’ll feel worse.
I wouldn’t call it a 100% success at the moment, but I am working at it.
